bummed

From Newsweek Dec. 19, 2008


Death Of A Cult Beverage
"Farewell to Sparks, the alcoholic energy drink that prompted 20-somethings to wonder, 'How drunk am I?'
Like many of you, I lost a lot in 2008. But this week, things got worse. On Thursday (right before the weekend!), I found out that I'd soon be losing a core member of my social group: the life of the party, the cheap date, the friend that was never more than a convenience store away. I'm serious: alcohol giant MillerCoors announced they'd be getting rid of their alcopop beverage Sparks. If you're over 30, this may mean nothing to you. But for cash-strapped 20-somethings around the country, this is another reason, besides the unemployment rate, we'll be staying home on weekends.

I suppose MillerCoors is doing the right thing. If you're an advocate of safety or against underage drinking, you may be wary of alcoholic drinks that are filled with caffeine whose manufacturers are often accused of marketing to high schoolers. I do confess that Sparks comes in a can that looks like it goes hand-in-foot with a skateboard, not to mention that its sinister mix of malt liquor, taurine, caffeine, guarana and ginseng—as healthy as all that sounds—apparently doesn't do a person's liver or heart rate any favors.

If you're not familiar with Sparks, you might think that mixing an energy beverage and malt liquor in one can is a little bit like buying premade s'mores or those jars that come with the peanut butter and jelly already swirled together. (And if you haven't thought of mixing caffeine and alcohol in the first place, then you really are over 30.) But Sparks has a taste all its own—more like frothy Tang than beer and Red Bull combined.


Its appeal? When I don't sleep well on Thursday, it helps me muster up the energy to celebrate on Friday night. When I want to head home from a birthday party at midnight, it reminds me that, not so long ago, I was in college. It's a completely legal and safe way (in moderation, of course) of enjoying a night out with too many friends and too many drinks without feeling woozy, belligerent or what can be only be referred to as "out of it."

It's a sign of the times that I didn't read about this disaster in the newspaper, I read about it on Facebook. On my roommate's page, a note from a former classmate included a link to the news with a mournful message: "You were the first person I thought of." Another friend sent me an instant message with the epitaph, "It's so sad, isn't it?" And a co-worker around my age got not one, but two e-mails from those preparing to grieve. Meanwhile, Gawker.com wrote, "First, they came for Zima, and we said nothing," before sharing the depressing news that Sparks, a "disgusting caffeinated malternative beverage," was 6 years old. Rest in Peace."

Even my Twitter feed was atwitter: one young blogger threatened to start hoarding this drink the way artists stashed soon-to-be-discontinued Polaroid film earlier this year or women stocked up on the Today Sponge contraceptive after it was deemed unsafe in the '90s. To be sure, this isn't the first time a beloved product has been taken off the market, just the first time that I happened to be the one in love. And it hurts.



I'm going to miss you Sparks. We've had some good times. I will pour a little out in your memory.